Continued from “Intro” page

*To enlarge the images: “hover” the mouse pointer over the image until it turns into a “hand” then click on the image – it will take you to another page. To enlarge the image further “hover” the mouse pointer over the image again, and a “magnifier tool” appears, and then click on the image.

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1.       Craze: to make or become insane/crazy & mad
I hear voices all the time. I don’t know if they’re real. They seem real; torturing and unrelenting.  I have no peace; I am neither here nor there.  I am in never-never land. 

#1 Craze, 1996, oil pastel, graphite on paper, Diameter 7”

The first thing that came to mind was of a self-portrait screaming; the second, harrowing floating mouths, more “real” than I felt myself to be.  The self-portrait would be in dark tones, grim; graphite would be suitable.  The attention grabbing mouths torn from paper, to be in colour; for them I decided on oil pastels; mediums that are both quick and easy to handle.

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2.       Blocked: the sudden stopping of a thought process

I am frozen solid; cold. Blue. Not alive.  I am not a part of life.  Not in it.  Not of it.  I’m not even sure I’m from it.  I am separate and unto myself.

#2 Blocked, 1996, collage on paper, Diameter 7”

I wanted to portray myself as a frozen block; that I felt detached and remote from Life. Amongst my collage supplies there was a magazine advertisement, which had frozen shards of ice in it with perfect shades of blue; what luck.

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4.       Minimize: reduce to a minimum, of minimum value or importance

I feel this small.  Like I don’t exist or haven’t for a very long time. I cry over something that happened when I was a little girl.  I lost my hair ribbons a long, long time ago and I’ve been looking for them ever since.

#4 Minimize, 1996, oil pastel on paper, Diameter 7”

With this image, I wanted to communicate a few things; childhood innocence, the “Alice in Wonderland” dress; sexual awareness, apple in the Garden of Eden; that I felt much smaller and more insignificant than an apple; and the little girl, missing a shoe and sock, to symbolize assault.  The phrase, “I lost my hair ribbons, etc,” were words I heard in a dream, I thought they were most appropriate for this image.  I used oil pastels, for their rich texture and speed.

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5.      Depression: an emotional disorder, low in spirit

I can’t see anything but pitch blackness.  My head feels stuffed with cotton.  I have no energy.  I feel heavy, wooden, and lifeless. I have forgotten how to laugh and feel.  I am immobile, not motivated.  I can’t wake up, I am smothered by melancholy. I feel nothing.

#5 Depression, 1996, ink on paper, Diameter 7”

To share how deeply depressed I was, and how debilitating it is; I wanted to capture the sensations of depression, the heaviness.  I covered watercolour paper with ink and as I scratched into its surface with a craft knife I felt like I was digging into a deeper reality, a hidden awareness; to go beyond the surface of depression to what lay beneath, its roots.

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Continued on Stages tab – the “Silence” page

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